Someday I may not be able to run, today is not that day!

Why do I run?



I woke up December 6, 1999 and felt some discomfort in my right shoulder...not all that surprising; I was about six weeks out from having fought a huge fire at our refinery and in the midst of 43 straight 12 hour night shifts in a row as we battled through an operations turnaround. I was a friend of discomfort having completed numerous triathlons, runs of up to 25k and fighting competitive karate. I was in pretty decent shape and pretty darn proud of me! This day was the beginning of the end of me as I knew me and I am so thankful and blessed.



By mid-afternoon one of my knees had a stiffness and achiness to it, followed quickly by pain in my short ribs on my back and pain across one collar bone. By the next day I could hardly move, pain and stiffness just racked my whole body. A trip to the company doctor brought a couple of fists full of muscle relaxers and pain killers, but really no relief from the pain. I noted in a journal at the time that the trip from bed to the alarm clock was the most painful, difficult task I had ever undertaken. Y2K came and went, I remember standing in our front yard on New Year’s Eve watching the fireworks, trying to be excited the world's grid had no failed and we would make it without a Y2K survival pack, but I could hardly stand and each step was agonizing.

The next few months were and are still a blur, doctor visits and trying to endure everyday duties of life. One morning sticks so vividly in my memory, I had worked a night shift and woke to a body rusted to a point of immobility; it took everything I could muster to swing myself to an upright position and put my feet on the floor. I sat there broken and weeping from the pain. My thoughts turned to my 9mm just steps away from the bed and what an easy way out that would be. I heard my children laughing and playing in the other room and my wife shushing them that daddy was still sleeping to be quiet and the selfish thoughts of suicide left and never return, thank you God for my wife and children in that moment! At that broken moment I humbled my prideful self to God and thanked Him for what He had just done, basically saved my life and acknowledged that He had also saved my life by the death of His Son Jesus Christ. I had been all about me instead of all about He and I was completely broken both physically and mentally. My earnest humbling of self and submission to Christ brought almost instantaneous relief...none of it physical or pain-wise, but emotionally I was free and I was hopeful. I went from hopelessness (one of the worst places to be in life) to filled with hope in a manner of minutes, by Christ hand.

Doctor visits and specialist eventually that spring of 2000 led me to a Rheumatologist who diagnosed me with Reiter's Syndrome, an auto-immune disease that gives severe arthritic symptoms. Typically RS sufferers fall into three divisions, the first group will have an initial bout of the terrible arthritis for 3-6 months, it goes away and never returns (this is the division I voted to be in), second group may have a couple of reoccurring bouts of 3-6 months through their life, or the third group the arthritic symptoms never go away and this is the group I landed in! It was another month or two before we found a medicine that controlled the pain and swelling of my joints, but by this time my body had atrophied into a stiff, tendon shortened bit of mush, but a mush filled with hope. Months of painful waddles to the gym and slowly working my body out of gridlock. I remember attempting to play some church league basketball one night and I had moment of quickness in a game that teased of what used to be...I remember sitting in my car following the game and crying tears of joy about that one moment, that quick glimpse and knowing that with God's help and in His timing I might get back to the shape I once knew. Well it was about an 18 month battle from immobility to the point of feeling pretty good again, 18 long, agonizing, wonderful, humbling, blessed months.

Today I still have to take a rheumatoid arthritis medicine every day, if I miss that morning pill, by mid afternoon I will know it because I start to rust shut...I equate it to the tin man in the wizard of oz, I just rust to a stop, it is quite amazing how quickly it happens. Every so often (the past month has been this way) the pain and stiffness overwhelm the dampening effect of my medicine and I think it's God's way to remind me that He is in control and it is about He and not about me.

I have now completed 4 marathons and 16 ultra-marathons. I just completed Rocky Raccoon, my first 100 mile run...I ran with such joy and hope and energy throughout the 24 hours. I had numerous people praying for me, particularly my wonderful wife and I know it was their prayers and God's hand that guided and lifted me, it was a blessed time. God is so good!

So why do I run...My ability to run is a gift, a gift from God, a gift of hope and a gift that comes with a responsibility to share God's hope. The long-term prognosis for RS could lead to permanent immobility, so why do I run...I run because someday I may not be able to run and today is not that day, today is not that day. Thank you God for your gift, may I bear it well!